He's just not that into you any more.

Even though I can't make sense of why Cincinnati* wanted me to visit him right up to the weeks before I arrived, he has pretty much told me he's done. 

Last week, after I saw that he'd told his Facebook friends that his MRI was clear, but hadn't told me, I blew up. I sent him a nasty text saying he'd hurt me more than anyone else in memory, and would he like a press release to tell the world so.  

He responded with a nasty text of his own, which I reproduce verbatim:

Please spare me with this. I was strung along for years including after we initially met in Dallas then suddenly you did a 180 on the 2nd meeting. My emotions were played with. I have been dealing with a lot of crap lately and haven't had the time to respond to your emails. I also don't recall ever expressing my love for you recently whatsoever. I'm not going to communicate any further. It's for the best.

I responded angrily at first, saying "Why didn't you simply tell me not to visit?".  No answer, so I then said that he had time to respond but he didnt.  No answer.

I turned off the phone and tried not to cry.

I spent the rest of the day reviewing the last years, and how I'd been so depressed during 2014 to 2016 as I had lost my job, my mother and my house. But I'd never really told him how upset I was. So he was right. I had strung him along.

I finally apologized by Gmail. I hope he read it:

I'm sorry I sent those texts to you earlier today. 

I can't deny I'm in a lot of pain over losing you, and I never understood the Instagram disaster as I still have no idea who I mis-identified as (censored). But suddenly, earlier today,  I just couldn't stand your silence any more. Please try to consider how I felt, especially since you were ill. I was convinced you were seriously ill.

I now understand that you really have felt strung on by me over the years, and I need to take responsibility for that. I just couldn't understand why you would be interested in a woman who was so far away, average-looking, and 17 years your senior.

And when I finally decided to stop finding logic in emotions and to be open to you, it was too late. 

I'm so very sorry it's ended this way. You're wonderful in so many ways, and you always will be.

Forgive my inconvenient emotions and dreadful timing, but I really do love you. 

* See the Key to Characters, which needs revision but I'm too depressed to fiddle with it.