The patron saint of cyclists

After I sent Cincinnati* a final email last week, explaining in detail why I had not been able to pursue our relationship, I went into no contact mode. I don't think he will ever change his mind. I think he's moved on. 

I was careful to begin the final email with the remark ... "now that you're gone from my life" so he would hopefully realize I was not going to drunk-dial, drunk-text, breadcrumb or otherwise contact him again. 

Yesterday, a gift I'd ordered for Cincinnati several months ago finally arrived from Italy. It's quite pretty - a silver medallion of the Madonna del Ghisallo for him to attach to his expensive Trek bike. I can't return it and can't bring myself to send it to him, so I've put it away for now.

I have also had time to think about how unworkable the whole relationship was. There are so many questions I'd like to ask him, but as we all know, I wouldn't get an answer. Here's a Cliff's Notes list of the questions:

1. Why did he never once allude to feeling I was stringing him along, playing with his emotions, etc?
2. Why didn't he discourage my visit last month? He could done this easily without hurting my feelings.
3. Why didn't he discuss his emotions during my visit?
4. Why did he say positive things during my visit?  Such as "I'm not seeing anyone else"? 
5. When I told him of my bulletin board that held his Valentines and other things, this made him happy. He said "Good."
6. Why did he say "It was wonderful seeing you again" the day after I left - only to never send another message except in response to my text enquiring about his health?
7. Why did he read my last emails almost immediately after they arrived, yet block me on Facebook?

These days I'm trying not to think of Cincinnati, but now I am feeling progressively sorry for him. I think he's dreadfully lonely but has no idea how to carry on a real time relationship, so he spends hours on Facebook with his hundreds of distant cyber-friends (mostly older women). 

I'm certainly a relationship fuckup in my own right, but at least I realize that communcation's really important.

I still hope he'll contact me again one day and want to try again, but I think the chances of this are zero.

* see Key to Characters at right.