today's visit to the London Review of Books

After a night spent coughing and getting up to check strange noises - Richard the cat was feeling particularly destructive, I guess - I have not been terribly productive at work today. Surfing was easier.

One site I visit now and again is usually good for an amusing personals ad. Here are a couple of my favorites from this week's Review:

In my version of The Matrix, love and respect fly around in slow motion detail in lieu of spent bullets and shrapnel. And, instead of sentient machines draining our energy, our body heat powers a system of levers and pulleys I’ve rigged up to gadgets in my kitchen. Every time I experience arousal you’ll automatically be rewarded with a Pop Tart: my way of thanking you for a job well done. M, 46. Both rewarding and ingenious and much friendlier than that Agent Smith character.

I bet my friend £18 I could find a woman here and have sex with her. If you reply and have sex with me, I’ll cut you in at 37%. English Professor, 63.

the ideal way to start a new year, methinks

The demotion threatened by the dwarf twins - my managers - finally happened today. I think I'm supposed to be upset, but instead, all I feel is a mixture of relief, disgust, and pity. The pity is for the managerial dwarf twins, as I'd hate to be someone who considered this sort of thing as an acceptable management style.

At least they kept the meeting short and didn't harp about my alleged shortcomings; instead, they just shoved a new job spec under my nose (which looks an awful lot like last year's) and said that my pay would go down by about 7k per annum starting 1/1/2010.

I didn't mention my demotion to anyone else but O.O.D.*, who sounded disgusted by the whole sorry affair.

While I don't think my job will change that much in 2010, it sounds like I'll have a bit more time to job-hunt and pick up some contract work. It's not like I'll have less to write; instead, PD and TD* will have fewer opportunities to attempt to pick me apart. (Correction - they should have fewer opportunities.)

At least my New Year's Eve plans appear promising. I have two open invites: a party in Coppell and a party in Austin. Both have their advantages and drawbacks, but I need to make up my mind by tomorrow afternoon.

The Coppell bash is being thrown by my oncologist friend. He always puts on good parties, and I always manage to find someone interesting to chat with. However, if his recent ex-wife finds out I went, she'll be mightily pissed off. And while I think it's high time she got over the divorce, she still writes the cat shelter checks.

The Austin party is courtesy of my biker friends, including the Triumph/BMW owner I first bumped into some months ago near Hillsboro. While the drive to Austin is a drag, the party sounds reasonable. And if the weather warms up, I can stay an extra day and join the pack on their Saturday ride.

I haven't been on a bike in almost two months and am pining. And besides O.D.D. and his rather marvellous arousal skills, one of the few other squirm instigators in my life is riding a motorcycle.

* See key to characters.

was it really that bad?

Perhaps they've simply run out of subject matter, but media columnists seem to have decided to take an overwhelmingly negative view of 2009. Various friends have sent me links to these columns. One columnist, Paul Krugman, even went as far as to condemn the entire decade. (I often disagree with Krugman, but his arguments are written so stylishly that I often cannot resist reading them.)

At the risk of sounding antediluvian, I am hoping that the average American might become slightly better at handling money, and better-prepared for future 2009s. This is partly because of the research I've read; for example, most people spend more time shopping for car loans than home loans. Globally, Americans are some of the worst savers in the world. Many of us have no excuse for living paycheck to paycheck.

I don't think my own year was that bad. I still have income, friends, and a place to live. My mother didn't die or end up in assisted living; instead, she has actually improved. Sure, I only managed one genuine sexual tryst (not that I didn't enjoy the phone variety), but I still hold that I did the right thing by following my intuition. Besides, I'm not keeping score. Quality over quantity, ya know.

This didn't prevent me from dreaming about O.O.D.* last night. For reasons unknown, I was living in Hong Kong, in a tiny but well-appointed flat. I'd dressed well for the assignation (I think a major part of this dream evolved from my shopping the sale section of Agent Provocateur's Web site late last night. How are we supposed to know which outfits will appeal to a man?). The flatblock's elevator is wall-to-wall mirrors, but is so tiny that O.D.D. barely fits into it. I have to squeeze in next to him.

The one slightly upsetting factor is that, in the dream, O.O.D. insists on giving me some money before we retire to the bedroom, although he insists the $500 is "just to make things more interesting". Perhaps I gave it back to him.

Later on, I realize he's left the flat, so I have to go outdoors to find him. But he's not difficult to find, considering he's about a foot taller than the majority of the locals. Turns out he just wanted some fresh air - not that you'll find that on Hong Kong island.

* See key to characters at right.

holidays on ice

Yesterday's weather here in Texas was strangely warm; it was about 70F two days before Christmas. So I took the opportunity to put the top down on the car on my way to my belated birthday dinner date.

But I never made it to Mai's, as halfway there, I found out that Rachel was on her way to the emergency room with an uncontrolled asthma attack. She had been ill the last couple of days, but had antibiotics and plenty of my spare asthma medications, so I hadn't been worried. But her fingernails were looking bluish so she was headed to the Parkland ER.

Although most locals view Parkland Hospital as hell on earth - it's the only hospital for miles around that accepts those without health insurance - it's more like most UK hospitals in that the ER is reasonably good at keeping you from dying. For all the overcrowding and underfunding they're up against, the ER still has plenty of resident docs who think that if they can handle a year or two at Parkland, they can handle any ER.

I ended up cancelling my dinner date and spending the evening in the section reserved for breathing treatments (asthma emergencies are, alas, more common than ever). I went out after a while and snagged Rachel a drive-through for dinner, as catering is generally not part of your Parkland ER experience. I was glad I'd brought some extra tacos, as most of the staff in her area hadn't had any dinner either. It was a cheap and easy way to make new friends.

The amusing part of the evening is that I was constantly mistaken for someone important, because I was still wearing the outfit I'd put on for my belated birthday dinner date. While it wasn't formal, I still stuck out like a sore thumb in my Country Road skirt and hosiery. It's just too bad my faux importance didn't get Rachel into a room any sooner, as that didn't happen until 4:00 a.m.

I had a little time to kill...

Even though the Big Boss of my department shares my hatred of team building, he takes the annual Christmas wreath competition seriously. I don't know why. But when he makes his annual statement that participation in the wreath competition is not mandatory, the look on his face immediately afterwards suggests that it is mandatory if you want to stay in his good graces. So I have faithfully produced a wreath each year, and even won the Best Overall prize last year.

This year, as my comrades' wreaths continued to appear, I realized that almost everyone had taken the safe route. Bah, I thought. Thankfully, I found inspiration while wandering around a shop on Lemmon Avenue that caters to nerds, Trekkies, and similar. I've run into my oncologist friend here - the one who always throws great Halloween parties - more than once.

Here is the finished product. While it didn't win Best Overall, a special category - Most Disturbing - was introduced specifically for my wreath. So now I have a nice certificate that gives me an additional day off. Huzzah!

I need to take it down tomorrow, as I need my leather gloves back.