The Usual Suspects

  • Melina: Author of this uneven, often pointless journal. Pale, clumsy writer. Considers herself to be living a particularly fortunate life, to quote A.B. Facey. More about her in the About Me section, if you must.
  • Ian: a tall builder from upstate Noo York. Formerly Melina's official boyfriend although he has largely ignored her the last year, and Melina has told him she will move out of his house when possible. In late 2015, his company sent him to New York so Melina has moved into his house. There's been little contact for the past year, so Melina has assumed he no longer is interested in her.
  • Cincinnati: a young, attractive Catholic cycling fanatic who has flirted with Melina for seven years, mostly through Facebook, only to go weird and dump her in November 2017 after her first and only visit to his home. They shared a devotion to retro lingerie. He is 17 years her junior. A 2014 dinner resulted in a single kiss that Melina still remembers and feels really sad about.
  • Darren: A blue-eyed, married IT consultant, some eight years younger than Melina. He was her Cub until his business trips to Melina's city ended. Melina misses him as the sex was particularly good.
  • Freddie: A sweet and bespectacled CPA. Melina had come to the conclusion that he was only interested in flirtatious emails, but an initial luncheon in early 2016 turned into six hours of mischief. Melina initially waited for future availability, but too much time has gone by. 
  • Nick: Another Ashley Madison acquisition. Tall, 60ish, and actually makes a good living playing solo guitar and with a jazz trio. Initially intimidating, but he lightened up. A short, pleasant affair followed, combined with guitar lessons, until he decided to attempt to repair his marriage as of May 2016.
  • James: Initiallly, an excellent adulterous acquisition - or so Melina thought. A 60ish CPA and an incredibly good kisser. After two meetings in January 2016, various events transpired to put what seemed to be a permanent spanner in the relationship. But as of late 2017, he's resurfaced.
  • Daniel: A retired Naval captain, now a financial planner, compliance officer and devout Anglican. Attractive blue eyes and silver hair, but strangely uninterested in sex. His relationship with Melina is over, although he acts no different than before when bumping into Melina at Mass. 
  • John Savelle: Some decades ago, before her first marriage, Melina saw John at a party in Hong Kong and fell in love at first sight. A year-long affair finally ensued, only to have an agonizing breakup. But thanks to the internet they've recently reconnected. Both are greying; John is retired.
  • Obscure Object of Desire: A tall (6'6"), greying, wolfish banker who Melina found fascinatingly attractive upon meeting him in 2008. They eventually shared some rare but mega hot sex. Then the laptop disaster happened and he began to behave badly toward Melina. Now he is a semi-pleasant memory; ultimately a coward. And of October 2016, a dreadfully overweight coward.
  • West Point: They don't come any taller, blonder, or WASP-ier than this Senior VP at the Death Star (Melina's employer until early 2014). A big fan of Melina's newsletter skills. Updated May 2014: West Point has departed the Death Star for another lender.
  • Melina's mother: A 83-year old survivor of the Great Depression, an alcoholic father, and loss of Melina's father at 44. Fell and broke her hip February 2014, returned home, only to go into a nursing home in early 2016. Melina wanted to bring her mother home, but eventually had to accept her inability to provide 24/7 care so moved her to a nursing home nearby in mid-2017.
  • Rachel: Melina's girlfriend. A sad, overweight, damaged cat lady who has learned that no good deed goes unpunished. Now semi-employed, although she has been provided with a home.
  • Ted: After repairing Mel's ancient air conditioning system for over a decade, always on his best behavior, a sudden bout of misbehavior occurred during the summer of 2013. Stopped by Mel's place for some PG-rated snogging in mid-2013. Greying, wiry and scarred, due to a lifelong addiction to dirt bikes. Retired in 2017, Melina misses him.
  • Neil: A data warehousing guru and a past lover circa 2000. Occasionally he still tells Melina he adores her, although from the safety of New Mexico. Can tell Jewish jokes for hours. Addicted to Twitter.
  • Elizabeth: Melina's doctor friend who went through a long, expensive bitter divorce with Nerdy Doctor. A Highland Park native so the friendship is limited.
  • Nerdy Doctor: Local oncologist, formerly married to Melina's friend Elizabeth. Throws great Halloween parties. Showed interest in Melina in mid-2011, but she decided to pass. But he reappeared in October 2014 and sent her a LinkedIn invitation.
  • David: Melina's first husband. Some 23 years older than her and very English, due to his years in an all-boys boarding school. Melina's longest relationship; it began when she was 21 and ended when she was in her mid-30s. Succumbed to liver cancer in 2006.
  • Ryan: Melina's former biker beau in Austin. Relationship now permanently over due to his reactionary temper tantrum and consequent name-calling. Melina feeling vastly relieved she did not pursue relationship.
  • E.H., or Ex Husband: Married to Melina from 2001 to 2012, although the marriage unofficially ended with his departure in 2007. They see each other infrequently but get along. Recently E.H. has been especially kind to Melina during her months of unemployment.
  • Poison Dwarf, or PD: Melina's ex-manager, circa 2009. Small, stupid, empire-building; was instrumental in firing Melina in 2010. Reaped speedy karma in 2010-2012, as Melina was rehired four months after PD fired her, and assigned her the occasional design job.
  • Tubby Dwarf, or TD: Poison Dwarf's ex-manager. Finally managed to fire Melina in June 2010, although the company rehired Melina in October 2010 at a higher salary. Obese and mean-spirited
  • Dismissed Date: Formerly Delightful Date (see below). Now teaching high school physics, and married to a woman with no fewer than four failed marriages behind her.
  • Delightful Date (DD): Melina's ex-lover circa 2008; a photographer then, but now a high school physics teacher now. Recently (2016) grew a scary white beard and long white hair in true Nutty Professor style.