Big bucks? Big ego? Small penis? Welcome!

While stuck at my allergy doctor's office earlier today, I nosed through a copy of D Magazine. I've always been amused at the advertisements featured - it's mostly plastic surgeons, divorce attorneys and overpriced restaurants. Real journalism is thin on the ground; if you advertise, you can do no wrong when it's time for a D Mag writeup.

And there are always a few matchmaking agencies at the back, where you can get a 1/4 page ad.

One new one was worth texting the URL to myself for a personal inspection: Model Quality Introductions. These folks don't beat around the bush, pardon the pun - if you're a rich guy who needs some arm candy, but are too lazy and/or ugly to find it yourself, come on down.

Prices for membership aren't mentioned, so I'm guessing it's at least four figures. But the ad's reasoning is irresistible:

"As a successful man, you outsource everything else in your life to experts..."

Geez, do they really?

Anyway, visit the site and have a giggle - it's free. Although the testimonials page is the funniest - for example, one happy john (oops, customer) says that "meeting pretty girls has always been easy for me ... I just wanted to take it to the next level".

You'll love the splash page - the women's photos change, but the eye color doesn't: it's always blue. I can think of plenty of other reasons why this site wouldn't accept me as a candidate, but since I have green eyes, I was out of the competition 20 years ago.