Another monument to tree slaughter

I spent most of this week avoiding the heat (I really need to move to Greenland) and completing sundry paperwork for one thing or another. Thursday was spent at an executive "boot camp" offered by the Texas Workforce Commission. It was better value than I expected, although the workbook was so full of typos that I spent my lunch hour marking it up for misspellings.

I also visited an ad agency and discussed a contract job. Seems the resident copywriters couldn't work well for the client as they thought they were boring.  Why do creatives still get away with this, even in these recessionary times?

Anyway, more work for me. The only irksome factor is that I'm always asked to complete a standard employment application. Which is what I'm doing now, in the cool comfort of a Starbucks.

I thought that the computer age would cut down on this sort of paperwork, but I'm beginning to think that it's actually increased it. I need to look around later for some reliable stats.

Since I didn't have the phone numbers for some past employers, I Googled them. One agency has an ouchy-painful Web site: the copy is reversed out (white on a dark background). Even worse, the background is always moving. I actually became a bit nauseous while copying down the address and phone number.

If you're curious, here's the site. Take your Dramamine first.

Melina feeds her lesser demons

Yesterday I drove past a billboard for Yamaha motorcycles. I liked the headline:

Feed Your Demons Without Going Hungry.

I put my frustrated libido on the back burner, set it to a low simmer, and opted for some lesser demon-feeding.  I got up at an appallingly early hour to rent a motorcycle.

Although I had reserved a style of bike, not a brand, I ended up with a Yamaha anyway. It was a little heavier than the Suzuki but no more difficult to ride. If anything, the extra weight seemed to make it a bit easier to balance. And since nobody was around to tell me to behave, I eventually found a deserted back road and took it up to around 70 mph for a couple of miles.

I took the bike back to the shop after about 2 1/2 hours, as it was simply too hot to ride any longer. The only armored jacket I have is designed for cooler weather, and even after I removed the liner and unzipped the vents I was still suffering. When I pulled off the jacket after the ride, my t-shirt was literally drenched with sweat. But I'm prepared for next time.

Just before I left the shop, I spotted a Vanson summer-weight jacket on the sale rack for just $49. There was just one left but it fit perfectly, so I snagged it. Usually these jackets are never discounted, and this one (made of mesh for summer riding, and a cheaper model) still goes for about $190 retail. It looks like this:

The young man behind the counter seemed embarrassed that the jacket's size tag said XL. He kept insisting that Vanson jackets ran really small. I finally said "Look, I don't care if the label says Fat Chick, it's a really nice jacket and I'm buying it." Thankfully he found my remark funny, as I regretted it right after I said it. I didn't want him to think I was some cranky old bitch.

Melina goes to the movies

Actually that should read Melina sits on her butt and watches STARZ.

After failing to convince anyone to see the movie Zombieland with me last fall, it finally made it to cable. And it was funnier than a Dallas City Hall meeting. 

I've watched it twice over the last week, which is extremely rare for me. Here's a list of the few other films I'll watch more than once (some movies, like Con Air, I watch repeated times because of their amusing awfulness):

• Dr. Strangelove
• Grosse Point Blank
• Con Air
• Days of Being Wild
• The first two Godfather films
• Beetlejuice
• A Better Tomorrow (or just about any other John Woo film with Chow Yun-Fat in it)
• Blazing Saddles
• Kill Bill Vol. 1

I won't go through the plot of Zombieland, as there really isn't much of one. Let's just say that if you're stuck in a post-apocalyptic America, be sure to take Woody Harrelson with you.

Here's a link to a nice HD trailer. Enjoy!

Road trip

I am going through biker withdrawal so I've decided to head east this weekend and rent a motorcycle, even if the weather's miserable. Just as long as it isn't raining.

Fry me to the moon

I have two potentially risky chores ahead of me this week:

• A tree limb has fallen on the electrical line in my back yard.
• The toilet keeps running and needs fixing.

Usually toilets are not risky repairs, but my predecessor had one of those 7-feet tall Victorian toilets installed. Like a lot of other stuff he did, it makes no sense. Why put a Victorian-era appliance in a 1920s bungalow?

But the reason it's risky to work on is that I can't get a ladder in position to reach the tank. Instead, I have to stand on a thin tile wall between the bathtub and toilet, with very little to hold on to. Getting on and off the wall is a bit nerve-racking as well; I have to go from floor to bathtub to wall.

Usually I have someone around to call 911 if I fall, but all my friends are busy today, and I'm tired of hearing the toilet running nonstop. 

The problem with the tree limb on the power line isn't that big a deal, except for one thing: I have to call the power company to do a "temporary disconnect" before I saw the limb. This will take me about 30 seconds, but I'm afraid the temporary disconnect will end up being an all day-disconnect. And I do not want to be without air conditioning for longer than about 30 seconds.

Since it's such a small limb, I'm tempted to just cut it without having the power cut off first. But it's kind of like skydiving: get it wrong once and you don't get a second chance.