holiday gifting frustration

I generally don't make a big deal out of the holidays. There are some things I like about it: hearing from distant friends, eggnog latte, lots of slack time at work. The one thing that causes some uncertainty at times is the habit of exchanging gifts.

I sorted this out with Ian* years ago. He doesn't like the Christmas holidays, as when he was four, his parents disappeared on a four-day bender in mid-December. His grandmother found him eating berries in the back yard. He ended up with Child Protective Services and then to an awful foster home. So he doesn't like to do anything that reminds him of Christmas, and I haven't any problem going along with this. (He always remembers my birthday as well.)

Gift stuff for the immediate family is pretty easy as we don't spend a lot. I admit I still overspend on the nieces, but am unapologetic. And at least one brother usually remembers my birthday. 

Things get complicated in the office.  I don't give out cards or little gifts, but others do. So I try to compromise by bringing in food to share. 

Obviously I can't buy anything of substance for The Cub*. I was hoping to buy him dinner but his latest visit didn't allow for this. He came up for a visit two days ago and is headed home today.

Yesterday I mentioned that the 22nd was my birthday (I wanted to take the day off but too much fuss is being made at work). His reaction was to give me $60 so I could have my nails done. He also mentioned it was for "my birthday and Christmas". This grated when I was a child, and hearing it again after decades reminded me of this. But how was he to know?

I found myself not knowing how to respond. Yes, I was being hopelessly bourgeois, but the truth is that I had hoped he had picked out a small and inexpensive token of affection to present to me. I thanked him and decided not to violate the Illicit Relationship Paradigm.

But last night he began showing me some nice Finley shirts online and I began to wonder if he was going to perhaps buy me one, even though I'm 99% sure he was planning to buy one for his wife, not me. 

Perhaps I should concentrate on other things for a while.

* See The Usual Suspects at right.