I almost decided to shut down this blog today, but I just couldn't do it. I haven't posted for many months, mainly as the current political situation has put me in a state of near-constant anxiety. I still have the Very Good Job and I still live in the delightfully crumbly apartment building. I am still seeing both Reed and the Paladin - it's not really that difficult as they're both long-distance, and the kind Paladin shares my fear of 24/7 relationships.
I think I would be in a much better frame of mind if I didn't have to read the headlines every day, especially the financial ones, but since I write about finances every day there's not any getting away from it. Sometimes I'm tempted to make a list of everything that's enraged me since Trump took office. Currently, the ICE raids carried out illegally upset me, and the federal deficit is ballooning, so this means that interest rates will probably continue to creep up. I read too much of Project 2025 to not be nervous. I half-expect the next elections to be cancelled.
At least I've been able to socialize more during the past year. I usually meet the Paladin for Tuesday night trivia and bingo, and when one of his two vehicles is able to make it the 45 miles from his house to mine, he comes by some weekends and we misbehave and watch movies. While we don't agree on everything, we are both considering going off the grid with plenty of firearms and canned food if martial law arrives.
Reed is actually behaving these days, even though we had to have a serious breakup for this to happen. Last winter we argued about political candidates, and then the next day he texted and said that he "needed some time away from me". I took this as controlling behavior, and promptly mailed him the bracelet he gave me several years ago.
After about a week, I decided to write and clarify exactly why I had done so, as our argument had become quite convoluted (it lasted several hours). He ended up responding and doing what I can only describe as a therapy crash course, as I think he figured out that even if he didn't always agree with me, he needed a way to do it without running me down. Otherwise I was finished with him.
It's easier to deal with a sometimes-problematic relationship if you're seeing someone else.