Scroll down and read Part One before you read this - otherwise you will be mega-confused.
Here is Part Two of the letter I sent to Cincinnati's other girlfriend after I dumped him. I should point out now that she was thankful I wrote her, and we've become pretty good friends.
On with Part Two of my letter ...
Cincinnati invited me to his place twice. Once was on a Friday night (August 9th) and one was on a Sunday evening (August 18th). Both times I drove from Tennessee to Ohio, but he cancelled both dates at the last minute. This was after I'd driven 300+ miles each time.
The first time, there had been a cycling accident the night before and his friend went to the ER. (This turned out to be true.) He said he'd gotten little sleep the night before. This was after I sat in a Starbucks for hours, waiting for him to contact me. He eventually said he was too tired for company.
I ended up in a hotel that night as he didn't even offer his sofa. I don't think he had any concept of the effort I'd made. I couldn't figure this out. He had claimed to be immensely attracted to me - even obsessed - all year.
Next week, he asked me to meet him Sunday August 18th at 5:00 pm. He wanted to take me to dinner although he planned to go on a group ride that would be over around 1:30 or so. I asked him several times if he were sure this day would work out well for him, and he insisted that it was.
As the week wore on, he became oddly quiet about my visit, but he confirmed our plans Saturday the 17th. So the morning of August 18, I set out to meet him.
Just before 2:00 pm he messaged me on Instagram, said he was overheated from the ride, and wasn't sure he would be up to seeing me. He said another cyclist was with him, waiting for him to recover enough to drive home.
Since I was already 300 miles into my trip, I offered to arrive two hours later at 7:00 pm. But he never responded. Hours went by.
As the afternoon wore on with no word from Cincinnati (I sent eight messages, all unanswered), I became increasingly worried, wondering if he was ill and alone. I tried to look at his Facebook page as he's quite active there, but I couldn't see it. This was weird.
Just before 7:00 pm, with no word from him, I decided to go to his condo to see if he were okay. I sent a Waze GPS notification to him. He finally responded, but his response was ugly. "You decided this on your own without hearing from me?" He said he wasn't up for company.
This, combined with the last four weeks of messages that ran from passionate to cold, made me decide it was time to confront him. I was dealing with two men - Instagram Cincy and Cold, Strange Cincy. I told him I wanted to visit to say goodbye. He eventually let me in, although he described my visit as "uncomfortable and strange" via text.
I don't think he had any idea how I felt about months of his cyber-seduction, then driving 380 miles after he invited me to dinner, only to be treated this way. He displayed zero empathy when I arrived and didn't apologize for cancelling. He looked annoyed.
I repeated that I'd come by as I was worried about his silence, thinking he could be ill. But instead of appreciating my concerns, he was defensive. He did eventually begin massaging my leg through my hosiery and held my hand for a while. He became polite, talked about his job. When I asked why I couldn't see his Facebook page, he said he taken it down as he was "tired of the politics", although I never saw any politics there.
I felt stupid and confused and humiliated. But I kept hoping he would eventually be civil. He wasn't. I didn't dump him that night but I should have.
He reluctantly let me stay that night as I explained I had nowhere else to go (my Airbnb wasn't available). The fact that I'd made no plans to stay elsewhere surprised him. But since he'd previously described how we would spend Sunday evening indulging in our mutual love of hosiery, I assumed I'd be staying.
Before he fell asleep, I said I wanted to talk to him honestly about how I felt about the relationship. I admitted that I hoped it might eventually become more serious. I reminded him that we'd often agreed that our meeting was providential, as we'd both hoped for years to meet someone who shared our lingerie interests.
His only response is that it would take time to see if a relationship developed, but he didn't rule it out. He turned his back to me in bed and fell asleep. I never slept.
I had to leave at 5:30 am. He had no idea - or didn't care - that there was nowhere I could go at 5:30 am as I couldn't check into my Airbnb until 3:00 pm. I parked at a Starbucks until it opened.
I received one text from him the next day. "I'm going cycling tonight if weather permits."
I began wondering about Cincinnati's excuse to deactivate his Facebook page, as his political excuse just didn't ring true. Eventually I logged into Facebook with another account. I looked up his Facebook page and it was alive and well, not deactivated as he'd claimed.
No heat exhaustion mentioned anywhere. Instead, he raved about his "terrific memories from that incredibly enjoyable day!" and posted photos of you and him together.
I'm guessing he blocked me on Facebook as he didn't want me to see the details of his happy day with you, which suggests you two aren't platonic friends.*
Please, I'm not saying this to vilify you. Until now, I'm assuming you didn't know I existed. But why did he invite me in the first place, if he already had plans to spend Sunday with you?
Something's really wrong with Cincinnati, although I can't figure out what it is. Let's put it this way:
Would you invite a woman to your home after wooing her for months and knowing her for nine years, go silent for hours after she's driven 300+ miles, and only let her in your home after she threatens to dump you, then lie to her face about the day's events?
I hate to play armchair analyst but I think he has some weird narcissist thing going. He fears intimacy, posts selfies of himself all over the Internet every week, and never apologized to me for cancelling two "dates". His stunning lack of empathy is the biggest red flag.
I sent Cincinnati an email two days ago to break up with him. I asked him why he had been "unliking" some but not all of my Instagram posts - he just did this earlier this week. I also told him I'd discovered his Facebook lies, pointed out that it would been fucking easy for him to simply not invite me, and that I was done with him.
I didn't receive any reply. Instead he blocked me from all of his social media.
There's more to the letter but it's more my hoping I didn't hurt this woman's feelings.
Here's how the letter was received - she contacted me immediately and said my letter was "the answer to her prayer". A few minutes later, she texted Cincinnati and dumped him.
His only response? "I see."
Since then I've become pretty good friends with this woman. More next time, when we decide to jerk Cincinnati around a bit.
* It turned out that this happy day had been earlier in the week and not the Sunday I'd shown up to discover Cincinnati with fake heat exhaustion. But it didn't matter - I did find out later that there was no heat exhaustion.