Facebook scammers approach me now and then, especially the romantic ones. Usually I flip them off, but sometimes I can't help but lead them on for a week or two before ghosting them. The way I see it, the more time of theirs I can waste, the less time they'll have hunting for gullible victims.
The main reason I decided to play along with my recent acquisition is that he's the rankest of rank amateurs. He's recycling a lame scam - swiping photos of US military personnel, and then weaving a story of loneliness and widowhood. Best of all, he is clueless about choosing a fake name. He is using an Indian name, but claiming to be a retired Army colonel.
Here's a taste of his messages to me. Enjoy the spelling.
"Hello my dearest, thanks a lot my dear for your massage, anyway how is your family? and always forgive me of my late reply of your massage because my work is a very busy one. It is my pleasure having you as my friend, knowing one another is a gradual process and here are few things I think you should know about me.[ACTIVE DUTY FULL TIME] I love meeting people, reading, traveling too!! And also sharing ideas, I am lovely, caring, adoring, passionate, compassionate, affectionate, cheerful, faithful, loyal, truthful, honest, God fearing, good heart, trustworthy and trusting."
After a few days he put things into high gear. This shifted my amusement levels to high gear.
"I sincerely want to tell you that since I see your picture in the face book my heart never go out from you and it may be crazy to tell you this but honestly I think I am in love with you and would want to have you as my wife because I needed somebody to be around me now when I resign from this job. Please let me know if you will be ready to spend the rest of your life with me and if you think it cannot work for us that will not be any problem we can just be very close friends okay. I wait for your reply; Take care and God bless you Honey...."
This cretin believes that I'm buying into this rubbish - he cranks out more romantic messages every day. I admit I am encouraging him by saying I've inherited a vast sum of money, and would like him to help me invest it. So far he hasn't tried to get any financial information out of me, but let's give him some time.
It's also fun to ask him questions that a genuine member of the US military could immediately answer, but he can't. Either he makes shit up - thinking I won't know any better - or Googles it.
Here's an example. I suggested we video chat and here's his excuse why we cannot do this.
"honey one of my soldier was shot so we have to take proper investigation over that before something terrible happen more in war zone we don`t make calls , video calls, or anything communication out of our work i so much love you sincerely that was why i declared my interest in spending the rest of my life with you .. We only use U.S radio to communicate but as a high rank general i was given the privilege to chat you on mail as my new wife as i have signed that i have gotten a wife and i can only message you here till on out from this zone.. voice call video call is out of our rules in war zone honey so please understand me my one and only God sent future wife.honey i promise to call you as soon as am out from this zone you are my queen i love you with all my heart"
His other inconsistencies are stacking up quickly. He already considers us married (???) and he can't seem to understand that Afghanistan and Syria are not the same country.
If anyone has any suggestions how I can fuck with him even more, just leave a comment. I'd like to spin this along for as long as possible, or until I get bored with it. And I'm already savoring the day I tell him what a crap scammer he is.