a depressing sort of freedom

During the past years, I postponed some activities because I needed to be near my mother. Some probably deserved postponement - like buying another motorcycle. (I'm still postponing this.) But now we all know that some things don't postpone well, like long distance relationships.

I'm not backtracking and claiming the relationship with Cincinnati* didn't work out solely because I was committed to caregiving. But I recently read an article that explained my feelings for him.

The Atlantic recently published an article about people who meet online, fall for each other, but for one reason or another don't meet for months or even years. One section that included an interview with a Reddit moderator explained what happens with others. It sort of happened to me as well. 

"I guess people on online dating sites know what they’re looking for, but these people in nevermet relationships aren’t really looking for love online,” the /r/LongDistance moderator tells me.  “Then one day they realize they love the person they’ve been talking to online. It’s a weird mindset to be in.”

This isn't exactly what happened, but close enough.

After meeting on FB in 2011, I finally met Cincinnati for dinner in either late 2013 or early 2014. He wasn't what I thought he'd be like. On FB he was always smiling, jokey, boyishly romantic. In person he was serious, looked serious. He was shy and didn't smile much. But these major differences in his FB and real-time persona didn't put me off; instead, they intrigued me.

But almost immediately after our dinner, I lost my job on a Tuesday and my mother fell and broke her hip three days later. And my ability to pursue this relationship took a major dive. I had to put my emotions on hold.

By the time I finally made it back to him last November - well, you know more about it than you probably want to know. (The shoes I accidentally left under his bed are still in Ohio, unless he threw them out. I hope not; they were pricey Donald Pliners.)

I still think our lack of communications played a big part in killing this relationship, but lack of time did as well.

But this hasn't been on my mind nearly as much as something else: relocation.

I want to leave Texas, and I hope I'll be able to do this before 2018 ends. Chicago and Los Angeles are on the shortlist, but this could change.

* See Key to Characters at right.